Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Improving the TV movie: Eight things to change, four things to keep the same

The TV movie looks good, but is rotten at the very core. Despite that, it's not beyond saving; it's certainly enjoyable, and it's the only time you will ever get the joy of seeing the Eighth Doctor on screen. Here are a few pointers, if they ever decide to give it a rejig. The below contains spoilers.

Eight Things to Change

Ditch the half human comment: why would the Time Lords invent a technology they couldn't use? Seriously, was this bizarre bit of plotting worth the stress it has caused since? They could easily have come up with something else (see: DIY science below).

Don't kill Grace: Grace's death is irrelevant and unnecessary. It adds nothing to the story; there's no reason she couldn't just fall and be knocked out (I believe the apologetic Gary Russell novelisation does something of this sort) Or, indeed, fall and land correctly. To my mind, the only reason they kill her is to bring her back to life, and it's the bringing back to life that I really object to. It's a huge injustice to all the other worthy and deceased people of the Doctor's acquaintance who couldn't conveniently appeal to the TARDIS' sympathetic side. It's a payoff for the naff "holding back death" line used throughout the film. Resurrection always cheapens death - see Torchwood to see it done well - but this was a cheap death to begin with.

But, as a coda to this, do kill Chang Lee. This Master isn't terrible, but with camp lines about "dressing for the occasion", snarling and actually descending into physical violence against the Doctor, instead of continuing the chess-style gentleman's war; he's not entirely himself either. That one moment of murder is perfect: a benevolent smile and true evil for evil's sake all wound up into one.

Don't muck around with time: Doctor Who has a DIY approach to science. We're suffering temporal warp ellipse cut out! What can we do?! Well, anything the writer likes, since neither he nor the audience has the foggiest what temporal warp ellipse cut out actually is. So when the black hole is about to destroy the Earth, he can theoretically solve it any way he likes, as long as he covers his tracks with technobabble. But he doesn't. Instead, he has to come up with a solution that directly contravenes one of the few laws that is fixed in this universe. Let's call it "the second law of time".

You can tell I'm an Adric fan, can't you. If resurrection-for-its-own-sake and turning back time completely were that easy, wouldn't the Doc have done it before?

There are a lot of reasons why the denouement should have been different. Why set the stakes so high that something truly drastic has to occur? If he goes back to the 29th , then a lot of things need explaining. Chang Lee's buddies haven't been killed, and neither has the Doctor. Is Bruce still alive, or has he vanished from time, or what? Not to mention letting Grace and Chang back out into a world where they still exist in a different form, which genuinely could cause trouble.

On the other hand, it does utilise time travel. The TARDIS is often little more than a plot randomiser; I've always had a fondness for episodes which engage with the possibilities and problems having that ability brings. And, as a supposed "backdoor pilot", and something intended for new fans to the show, putting something about time is an important piece of setup. So maybe this isn't an entirely lost cause - just give it a bit more thought.

Remove Frankenstein: look at me, ma! I can crosscut! After decades of static camera, Somebody Who Has Been To Film School has got their hands on the franchise, and decided to make it "cinematic". Sometimes it works (the shots of clocks, the general sense of pacy-ness). Sometimes it's just pathetically naive and obvious, such as here, with the Doctor's regeneration intercut with the "it's alive!!!" of the classic Frankenstein movie. Just because you can, it doesn't mean you should. The jury's still out on murder-to-Puccini however...

Why does the hospital have a trashed up wing? No, seriously. Nice scene with the mirrors and rain and chaos, but if it was a metaphor it was heavy handled and unnecessary; and if it wasn't, then what the hell happened there? Does your local ward have a room with smashed glass, broken dolls and rusty junk, just in case someone feels like expressing existential despair?

Don't let Grace save the day - because I'm just a normal Earth Girl too, and it's nice to know that when he turns up and it's down to me to save the universe, I'll know exactly which wires to twist...

Don't let the Doctor use the word vacation: I may be wrong, perhaps this word is used in English too, but it's always struck me as very American. Fair enough, he's a Gallifreyan, so it's all foreign, but it still felt false for me. I'd endured a lot by that point, my nitpick-radar was on full blast. Much better was the Master correcting Grace's grammar, which is perfect characterisation for him (and nice to see the Doctor doing the same in the recent Sontaran Stratagem).

Don't let Fox do it: this was always a bad idea. Fox hates fandom. Fox stays up late at night planning on how to do murder to good shows, annoy the loyal fans and kick puppies. Futurama? Firefly? As such, was handing the franchise to them really a good idea?

And four things to keep the same

The Doctor: can anyone fault him, really? Ageless, magical, packed full of that Doctor charm that lets him get away with anything. If I use the word "smile", do you know the one I mean? The beam that makes everything OK. The use of sleight of hand is a brilliant addition to his character, while all the old ones - the mercy, the brilliance, occasionally the heroism - are in place. This ninety minutes launched a character which has successfully inspired the books et al that came after. He also namedrops with brilliant style. I particularly like his comment about Leonardo having a cold. Also "Freud would have loved you!" "He did..."

The design: this film is beautiful in every single way. Someone has misread "bigger on the inside" as bloody massive, bigger than any realistic building could ever be, and the TARDIS is all the more lovely for it. Finally, we get to see the library we always knew must be in there somewhere! The lived-in bits are cosy; the mechanical bits are steampunked up, and it feels alive again. I also love the huge console room; after years of emergencies, the Doctor's obviously cottoned on that he can't afford to be too far away from it! Even the leaves feel terribly right. The costumes are gorgeous too - not to mention the leading man. Should the Doctor be good looking? In general, I don't think it hurts, or matters. Here in particular, even when the plot is shot to hell, the dialogue's dodgy and continuity and canon are completely out of whack, at least you have something nice to look at...

Keep the kiss: yup, you heard me. At least the first one. It cements his absolute joy to be alive. It's not so much love for her (she has just stuck a scalpel in his gut...), as love for everything. As such, it's an uplifting moment, celebrating life, not to mention being young and able to get away with it for the first time in centuries. Aside from the shock of looking in the mirror, regenerating must be a wonderful feeling, a sort of cosmic shower.

Plus, retain it out of pity for the strict purists. If they hadn't been so worked up about this, they would only have paid better attention to the dire miseries of the plot as detailed above, which are twice as unpleasant.

The first 15 minutes: Paul McGann, as I've already observed, makes a fine Doctor. It's just a pity for him that he passes good taste and smart plotting on the way in, because his regeneration is the point at which things go downhill.

It all starts so well! The theme tune! The building sense of menace, before the Master assumes both a form and knowledge of fashion! The Seventh Doctor getting a runaround that gorgeous redesigned TARDIS, and then redefining the cliche of "the Doctor meets trouble very soon after leaving it" by doing it instantly.

And what a departure! The classical death for a hero is doing something heroic. For one with the stature of the Doctor, this should be no less than saving his companions, the world or the universe - preferably all three. Even facing your fears is a noble way to go. But a medical botch up? How unpleasant for a guy who has faced off death a thousand times. It's a situation we can all understand, and as such more real than any alien nasty. No calm acknowledgment that the way has been prepared for; this is a traumatic and scarily realistic way to go, a series of nasty accidents. And it's very refreshing.

I've seen many comments suggesting the film would have been less alienating to start with an already-regenerated Eighth Doctor, much in the way the Ninth turned up and let us into the world gradually during Rose. Maybe that would have been better; pity to lose this bit though, as it's the only bit that rang true...

I can see Sylvester McCoy now, rubbing his hands with glee when he reads a few pages further on, and discovers he's escaped before the grot sets in...

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