Vengeance on Varos

Best watched: not sure. I watched it in two halves, and felt the second episode was worse. But it might be just too much in one go.

Something happened just pre Waters of Mars, something that has coloured and caused my absence at this blog. I met Blake's 7 in a charity shop, like love at first sight. 51 episodes of "this still isn't awful. Why isn't this awful?"* later, I can proudly call it the greatest sci fi show ever made.

*and Ultraworld

Not in comparison to Doctor Who, of course. DW can't really be compared to anything - it's so long, so changeable in every way that nothing can reasonably compete. Yet, in a way, it has put me off Doctor Who for quite some time, because I know I will have to approach it more critically. It's one thing to excuse the Classic series because it's "old". It's quite another to actually see that the 1970s were capable of producing character development, clever dialogue and stunning direction, for four almost solid years. Doctor Who is necessarily a mixed bag.

So, it was with some considerable pleasure that I sat down to Vengeance on Varos, and found it worthy of my new expectations.

Upfront, it's message is an interesting one. Varos is exhibit one in the evidence that the Sixth Doctor era was vicious. I was shocked by the knives and gas in Two Doctors, but they do form part of the plot - they're just a little stronger than what I'd expect. I was very shocked by Attack of the Cybermen, and it's incidental viciousness, but it did make sense with what I know of the Sixth Doctor and the Cybs. Varos is the worst of the lot, because necessarily, the violence is dwelt on - it's also quite viscerally directed. And for this reason, it shocked me the least because it never seemed out of place. Compare it to Bad Wolf - which is funny, but totally undersells its message because of it.

In making a comment on the way we enjoy violent television, it has to produce some pretty violent television. So is it exploitative? Uncomfortable viewing or not, we are still invited to consume it on some level. The only difference is, we have the characters Etta and Arak who are also viewing, drawing attention to our own situation. Just like us, they judge or root for the characters on screen, but they also derive enjoyment from it. So its violence is self aware, and while sadistic, it can't be called unecessary or gratuitous. But there is also a level at which it can both have and eat its Jelly Babies.

An easy comparison to draw is to Blake's 7: Deathwatch, which has a similar premise - a televised fight to the death, with implants that allow viewers to experience the sensations and emotions the combatants. When Deeta sadly describes it as "murder without guilt, death without loss". I always feel he's breaking the fourth wall at that moment: B7 dishes up plenty of both and again, with one notable exception, the experience is an enjoyable one. Similarly, here we have the self-reflexive "close up on death throes!". It's a chilling, marvellous cliffhanger, but one that draws attention to the way DW always ends.

Both episodes just get more and more relevant, with the advent of reality TV. If the Punishment Zone was just that, however, this would seem a shallow one indeed. But it's backed by some truly fantastic worldbuilding - the small events there are linked to the fate of the whole planet. The addiction to, exploitation (and export) of violent television is a result of it's crippling poverty. The poverty is linked to corporate shenanigans, and weak government, and so it goes. A television addicted populace, it makes sense to put politics to television. Varos is probably the meanest planet ever, and this itself is kinda sad - everyone seems degraded by association, shallow and exhausted. I don't feel like any of the Varosians are innately bad people, per se - they're just a product of their merciless enviroment. The Governer's plight is irresistable, and I was really, really rooting for him to discover the true worth of Zeiton 7 and (because this is Doctor Who) make the planet prosperous and kind. Not, y'know, keep the populace in agony and keep the profits to create a fantastically wealthy upper class of croneys. Did I not mention what B7 has done to my optimism? I was also relieved to see the nice guard survive to the end.

Way back this time last year, I started trying to produce a thematic chronology of Doctor Who planets. The 51st Century, for example, was home to Jack, Captain John and River Song - and Classic episodes featuring lax decadents would most comfortably fit there. Varos temporally coexisting with Androzani Minor and Terminus, and all of Who's most unforgiving worlds makes a sort of sense in my head. The DWRG makes this interesting comment, presumably based on stated dates:

"In terms of Whoniverse history, yet again we have a suggestion that the 22nd and 23rd centuries were a bad time for Earth colonies. After the Daleks invaded in 2157, it seems that everything went to pot. Tara's a mild example. There's Varos, Terra Alpha... "

that makes me want to check out those other planets.

People have pointed out that the Doctor merely runs around. Perhaps. But he also does what he does best - shaking things up merely by being there. His skill in outwitting the Punishment Zone invigorates the viewers: it's a kind of rebellion. He helps inspire the governer, he puts pay to Sil's mean little scheme, and rescues some revolutionaries. He's the development nobody could plan for, the sonic spanner in the works. The comparison to Caves is a fair one: the Doctor's sheer arrival sets dominos toppling. In a way, Varos is so stagnant, that that's all it needs. Somebody to prove, in word and deed, that things can be different.

Don't really remember the Doctor or Peri. Don't really need to. I enjoyed it very much indeed, for its atmosphere and set pieces, and little ideas and wholeharted chilling awfulness.


Is it too violent? For my money, no, but I think Peri being turned into a bird is the most unpleasant bit. To be honest, the much-discussed acid bath is the least of it. I was surprised how unremarkable that scene was - perhaps the fact it is so incidental and unecessary is part of people's dislike. I also expected it to be a much more obvious shove - when actually, it was a mistake in a struggle. Do I have a problem with the Doctor killing in self defence? Depends how it's done. I'd certainly not blame him for the vines at the end - it's a trap which the other guys choose to walk into, because they have decided to murder the people hiding behind it. Similarly, the laser beam: the Doctor spots someone in horrible pain and danger, rescues them, and on that basis makes a split decision that the other people there must be villains. It's not unreasonable, is it? Fantastic split decisions are such a Six-like thing...I also like the idea not just that the situation is so desperate it calls for desperate choices, but that Varos simply rubs off on people. Though that's interpretation, not text.

All in all, what a corker! It's concept alone marks it as standout Doctor Who, a concept fabulously expressed. It could have been done differently, but not objectively better. Its controversies demand it be watched and discussed. And even if you take beef with both of these, the atmosphere and production deserves high praise.

Random thoughts:

The Sixth Doctor era is just great for practical makeup effects - the Borad, the dog-creature from Mindwarp, the half-vervoid in Vervoids. And here, bird-Peri is truly excellently horrific.

What animals would other companions be turned into?Or the Doctor?

I wonder if RTD remembers Varos fondly? I am thinking in particular of the finance plot (see End of the World, the Slitheen e.t.c.) and for moisturising Sil.

Question: Vengeance for what?

Sirens of Time

I'm pretty fond of Sirens of Time - I probably listen to it most often. It shows off four different locations and stories, and isn't so taxing I need to pay a lot of attention.

Episode 2 is probably the best of the stand-alones, and works well on its own. It's very atmospheric, and has a great sense of place. Maybe because it's rooted in history we can instantly understand it. I like the minor characters, particularly the captain. I always like it when Timelords turn out to be underhanded rotters, and it does not surprise me that Vansell would think of picking the Doc off. I have a soft spot for Vansell, who takes Gallifreyan incompetance to a high art.

Episode 3 is as good, but feels more like the first part of a story which will get better. Suitably, perhaps, as it is the most crucial one to Episode 4's resolution. The futurisitc world presented is believeable, and in keeping with the places 80s Who went. The Sixth Doctor would pick a personal fight with an android, a wonderfully done character. A lot gets packed in here, but it is clear and exciting.

Episode 1 just confuses me. Even after several listens, I don't quite get why things keep crashing, why Sancroft is vital to the plot, and whose side Ruthley is on. She's simply very irritating. The worst thing is, the single nature of the adventures allows me to skip it...

Episode 4 is great fun, however. Even though I'm slightly lost as how the Valeshan knights fit into the picture, I like the idea of the Sirens going through time like deadly Chronovores and causing trouble. The crux points are ingenious - particularly preventing the sinking of the Lithuania having no impact on the course of the war, but allowing a murderer to live who would go on to kill penicillin. It was an unexpected tweak. To save Gallifrey, history must be put back on course, but ironically this course always requires deaths, merely in a different combination. I am reminded of The English Patient:

"If the British hadn't unearthed your nosey photographer in Cairo thousands of people could have died"
"Thousands of people did die. Just different people."

But frankly, who cares about the plot in a multi Doctor episode? Because then the quarrelling starts. Frankly, we do just watch them for the quarrelling, right? They do get on fairly well, and work well as a team. I like the polite way they keep interrupting one another, it's a cute variation. In the end, however, it's the Sixth Doctor who comes out looking good. I'm tempted to think that left alone, Five and Seven might have killed one another (this is post Cold Fusion after all...), and can't help but imagining them glaring at one another throughout. It's Six who keeps things on track, comes up with the ideas, provides the initiative, sorts things out and overall proves why he's the Doc I'd like to be stuck with in a pinch. It makes sense in character terms too - both Five and Seven spent their careers deliberately blending into the background and taking advantage of a subtle approach, while Six tended to deal with things by being centre of attention.

Like Cold Fusion, the comparison of traits is ultimately the point, and it's effective. I don't understand how anyone can have a favourite Doctor, because they are so different and there is something to be learnt from all of them, to be admired in all of them. The final scene is chilling and well played. I like the image of the three of them sitting around, with creepy old Lyena crying in the background.

There's just one thing that irritates me about this tale. There are three Doctors in this story, and two of them escape completely unscathed. The other gets (deep breath) beaten up twice, shot once, breaks his ankle, and then brain drained. Oh, fer goodness sakes! Can we please stop it with the vulnerable thing now? Lyena gets in on the act too, fascinated by the way that all three are different yet similar. It's a valid observation, but it is flawed when she breaks them down as
"compassionate, thinker and impulsive". Oh, I know what they're trying to say, but how would Lyena have got that impression from her time with them? After all, it's Doctor Seven who caused the trouble by rescuing Sancroft and his Siren, Doctor Six who has been doing the thinking for over an hour of audio time, and Doctor Five who spends his whole episode soley motivated by the desire to escape. Alternately, you could pin Seven for his impulsive, unthinking rescues, Six for his compassion towards the - what's the time beastie called again? - and Five for the downright devious way he gets off that submarine. I do hate reducing Docs to one-word descriptors anyway, but this takes the biscuit by being wholly false in context!

It's only a minor grumble, however. All in all, three Doctors can't be bad, and as a series of non-challenging standalones makes for good listening if you can't promise your whole attention.

A side effect is that I automatically treat Ellies, Ellens, Helens, and suchlikes with huge suspicion whenever they show up now. I'm tempted to believe that Ellie in He Jests at Scars is also a manifestation of Lyena. The Valeyard was certainly making enough mess to warrant a Siren on his shoulder. I also tend to go "TIME DISTORTION!" excitedly whenever the aforementioned phenomena shows up.

Why Peri is the most misfortunate companion.

Peri is, in many ways, THE default companion. She exists only to be rescued, is adept at screaming and ankle breaking, and perfectly fufills the capacity of young attractive Earth female.

But does anyone have a harder time?

1. She is stuck with the Sixth Doctor. It's not like other versions of the Doctor weren't cranky, but he took abrasion and arrogance to a fine art. His underlying tenderness was also far less obvious than, say, Doctor Nine. Of course they were friends, but both had a very funny way of showing it, hence the constant arguments. At times, you can almost see her thinking "let me have Peter Davison back!"

2. She is, statistically, in far more peril than any other companion* The Sixth Doctor had an admirable nose for danger, deliberately looking for things to save and baddies to topple, in contrast with the others who at least operated on the pretense they were going to somewhere relaxing. Other companions tagged along as the Doctor bumbled into danger - Six dragged her straight after him, and he was headed right for the heart of trouble. He does make up for this by being very overprotective (but see no. 6...)

*no actual data for this generalisation.

3. Companions exist, as we've observed, to get kidnapped and rescued. Peri had the additional misfortune of being around at a time the show discovered sex. Sharaz Jek and the Borad slime all over her, Shockeye also finds her flesh fascinating, Yrchanos falls in love with her, Katrika plans to marry her off, Jamie jumps on her in Two Doctors, then continues to fancy her afterwards and even a random Timelash grunt comments that she's nice to look at. It's exacerbated by the fanboys, who have exactly the same reaction...

4. She's also the companion for possibly the show's nastiest stretch since it's inception. Seasons 21 and 22 are dangerous places to be, very dangerous indeed. It's unusual for episodes not to end in a nihilistic bloodbath, and massacres come and go almost without comment. The Doctor's world is a dangerous place - but never moreso than during the 80s!

5. Look at her episodes. Planet of Fire sees her, potentially, lost somewhere on Sarn's surface. Androzani is Androzani. She gets to see the future of her Earth in Ravalox' destruction, gets to face the Cybermen at their most sadistic and dangerous, and if Mark of the Rani is anything to go by, the Master loathes her personally...

6. No companion should have to go through Mindwarp. The Doctor's strange behavior is terrifyingly plausible to her (especially after the Twin Dilemma strangle), and she doesn't have the confidence in him which Ace or Martha would have had in a similar situation. It all culminates in possibly the nastiest companion exit of all time.

7. No, that luvvy duvvy resolution does not soften it. Perhaps it makes it worse? Earlier on in Mindwarp, she expresses deep homesickness. Her final meeting with the Doctor is still at a point when he's behaving oddly - it's the cliffhanger when Yrchanos attempts to kill him, and she prevents it. No Doomsday, no "my Sarah Jane!", no happy ending. She gets stranded in the future, marries Yrchanos because it's her best and only option, and as far as she knows the Doctor really did turn evil and abandon her. Think about it. Pip'n'Jane attempt to soften the blow of Peri's horrible death, and miraculously make it even more downbeat!

8. And no one likes those episodes anyway...!

Attack of the Cybermen

Viewing recommendation: one at a time. If you can. I was honestly going to stop watching after episode one - I'm getting to the "Oh no! no more episodes!" point with the Sixth Doctor. I only have two left, and one of those is The Twin Dilemma. That isn't very many. But then they went and threatened Peri, and I was still thinking about Adric, so I had to keep watching. To, yknow, make sure she was OK...I do hate the Sixth Doctor 2 parters. One of the reasons I like the Classic series is the 25 min format. You can sneak 25 minutes in just before you go to bed, at lunchtime, while you do the laundry. 45 minutes is a commitment. It really highlights Timelash's faults too.

It's all about expectation.

For example, Attack of the Cybermen is a much maligned episode, by which token I figured I was going to enjoy it. I can't bring myself to truly loathe any Doctor Who episode - even Doctor's Daughter has it's moments. The very fact of the Doctor turning up instantly makes it superior to any other episode of any other show.

What I did not expect was, well...look, blood! Blood, from hands, leaking onto the floor. I mean, what?

I've always said that Six is the regeneration I'd like to come and rescue me. You really know what his agenda is (disqualifying One, Two and Seven immediately), and he doesn't have a reputatuion for appalling collateral damage (Four, Five). He's unhinged in a good way (unlike, say, 9), and while he's dedicated, he's not going to suddenly turn around and condemn people to the Pit of Eternal Night the way Eight or Ten tend to do when they get hardcore. I haven't mentioned Doctor Three - yes, I'd be pretty happy if I saw him show up (unless I was a UNIT grunt...)

In any case, he's efficient. He's tidy. He's good at saving the world, right? I certainly wasn't expecting it to go all Season 21 on me. At all. I can just about see the production meeting now - you'll have to imagine them discussing their evil machinations in cold, electronic voices.

"Stage one complete, Script Leader."
"Have you combined Earthshock and Resurrection of the Daleks as I instructed?"
"Yes, Script Leader."
"Excellent. Take the hybrid for Androzanification...then nothing will stand in our way of THE MOST HIGHLY RATED EPISODE OF ALL TIME mwahahahahaha"

It's too obvious to work properly, which is a shame because there's a great little plot going on here, and I'd have enjoyed this episode a lot more were I not playing "spot the debt". Oooh, it's the shiny hidden door underground from Arc of Infinity. Ooh, the marked-for-death extras wandering around in the opening sequence of Earthshock. Let's visit Tomb of the Cybermen, trap Peri on the set of Androzani Minor, go via Unearthly Child and throw Tenth Planet in for good measure. The point of those three references in particular is that they tell stories about botch-ups. One contains the only permenant death of a longtime companion ever, one holds the record for the highest death toll, and the third merely wipes out every named male cast member. All three are gloomy and downbeat, and frankly I thought the Sixth Doctor was too sensible to let something like that happen on his watch. More fool me.

It's not that he does anything no other Doc would do (except encouraging his companion to shoot things...) - it's the way he does it. Yes, folks, its that part of the review where I declare whichever Doctor is my absolute favourite (always has been, always will be) for the next hour or so. Oh, I do love the Sixth Doctor. He's just great. "I'm a man of science! Temperament! Passion!" That enormous ego, but he justifies it through being brilliant. I mean, spotting an armed man and diving straight at him. Oh yes. When I said he's efficient, I meant it. "I can do something about it!" he gleefully plunges into danger, all confidence and charm. No screwdriver? I'll get a sonic lance! Hmmm, chamelion circuit? I'll fix that! It's obvious the Doctor hasn't even considered it before. Prisoner causing trouble? "Shoot him, Peri." WHAT?! Sure, he's bluffing, but maybe I've finally discovered why people accuse this era of being too violent - because the Doctor beats up at least two people within a single episode, carries a rather nasty gun and wipes out half the Cyber-Force single handedly. And he's not Jon Pertwee, so he can't get away with it. I can buy it as a progression of his character, however. It's not just a reaction against the softly, softly approach of his predecessor: it's all about efficiency. The Sixth Doctor is about getting results. He's not quite up to the Seventh Doctor's level, but he's getting there, and he's worked out using a bit of muscle is sometimes required.

Not letting things bother him, that's another thing Six is great at. Look at his first reaction to discovering the Valeyard's identity: "Madam, this revelation should halt this Trial immediately."
Doubtless, he is like the rest of the country, bricking it - but he remains cool, clear and very calm. I was hoping for maybe a little Earthshock angst, and got it in abundance. Nothing is said, but the man clearly has issues. He is cool, and he is calm, and - oh, he's stabbing it to death with a sonic lance. Oh, well. Back to therepy now, Doctor. Let's just hope you don't, y'know, end up in a room full of Cybermen with a blaster to hand - it could put your treatment back for centuries. I don't really mind this. Can you blame him for taking no chances this time around? I was also intrigued by his movement towards the cat badge. Initially, I thought it was going to be made of gold - turns out not, because these Cybermen can be beaten by a rubber duckie, a pinch of salt, well, anything really. Maybe it was for luck? Or maybe it was, as my inner-fangirl presumes, really an Earthshock thing after all.

You can always rely on the Doctor to be great, and in case it needed saying twice, you can almost certainly rely on Colin Baker to be the best thing in his episode. Not only because his episodes are reputedly shite either. More because he's awesome (see: favourite Doctor for 60 minutes, above). It's the range. He can do sensitive, and poetic, and curious, and then he can turn around and do great vengeance and furious anger, and all of them perfectly. I've also got a glorious idea about what might have happened to Mondas...I'd say "I really want to watch Tenth Planet" now, but I suspect that'd be a case of "get in line!"

I'm also interested in what we'll call, for want of something better, Trial of a Timelord foreshadowing. Season 22 is packed with Gallifrey references, and here is no different. He considers informing the Timelords, he uses it to bludgeon a captive with, the Cybermen point out they would have him "destroyed" for tampering with time, and discovering that they've dumped him there a la Brain of Morbius.

Right. Lytton.

Oh my. He always was a little bit too cool for Doctor Who. Lucky he never met the Master, really, they might have got along. Before attempting to double cross one another. Last time, he simply played second fiddle to the Daleks - though he did it with wonderful style. In particular, I love his cold murder of the only other surviving Dalek Trooper. Here, he pinches all the best dialogue, gets to be badass and enigmatic and goes out a hero. Lytton and the Doc bounce off each other very well, so well it almost prevented me noticing a little problem. Lytton and the Doctor don't actually meet in Resurrection of the Daleks. I suppose Lyt knows the Doc by reputation, but there is no good reason the Doctor should know of him at all. Probably good for the Doc, actually, as Lytton would doubtless have taken him to pieces in under three minutes had they met last time around...I think there's room for a Missing Adventure here. I like Lytton because he's more complex than simply what you see on screen - he appears to have a life outside it. It explains his motives for hanging around with the Daleks last time. Some people have criticised the "change of heart" element, which I disagree with. It implies that we knew what his agenda was all along - which we don't. It also risks breaking him down from "bad guy" to "good guy", two oversimplistic characterisations Doctor Who uses far too often. Helping the Cryons does not instantly redeem him, but it does give us a better oppertunity to admire his good qualities. I can't blame the Doctor for going to rescue him either: we're talking about the guy who's stuck his head out for the Master countless times. He's not going to abandon someone to Cyber-mercy, not if he has even the smallest excuse.

Speaking of Cyber-mercy, man, are these not the lamest Cybermen of all time? The fancy Classic Series Snob complaint is that the new series Cybs are worse than the old ones. Um, like these? They are very, very easy to kill, and have learnt nothing since Earthshock. They're sadistic bastards, who plan to throw something very large at Earth in a complex plan involving time travel, and their conversation is appalling. Looks like this is the beginning of Cyber-conversion, as embraced by the new series - this was more interesting. I do like that they make more of the Cybermen's "I'm all made of metal" strength: ignoring the obvious moment, when someone gets hit by a Cyberman they're bunched up for five minutes or sent flying across the room. This still doesn't make them anything other than rubbish.

Peri, well, she's whiny and useless but with good reason. "Don't patronise me!" she snipes. "I wouldn't dare," he replies with amusement, although also genuine pride. I like the antagonism, you can almost see Peri thinking "please, someone give me Peter Davison back! He wasn't nuts!" But I do sympathise. Frankly, I think few of us would be any more pleasant. I loved Griffiths too, great double act thing he had going on.

And I loved the Cryons. Watch the Doctor and Flast, then tell me Six was obnoxious.

Some random thoughts that don't fit into my essay:

1. Is that the same road from Rose where Clive lives?
2. Time distortion! Since listening to Sirens of Time, I get excited every time someone mentions time distortion...
3. It's written by a woman! Unless Paula's become a guy's name without me knowing.
4. When the Doctor was ambling around Foreman's junkyard, trying to remember what he'd forgotten, was it just me thinking Hand of Omega?
5. The music! Ew, nasty - although is one of the themes based on Earthshock?
6. "No one'd been down here for years" = classic dialogue. Somehow, I wouldn't bet on it...
7. Someone suggested "masculinity" of the Cybermen vs. the "femininity" of the Cryons. I like this.
8. "How thick is it?" "Less than you"
9. "Suddenly, I feel conspicuous"
10. "I say, are you looking for me? Well hurry up, I don't have all day!" in the grand old Doctor Who tradition of putting heroic Englishmen in space.
11. My notes also read "Then we'll destroy it" and "mocking the Cybs". I have no idea what either of these mean.
12. "Vindictive..."
13. "Really?"
14. I'm pleased to see the Doctor has a self destruct function with a huge counter. I'm tempted to think it is just a bluff - that'd be just like him.

Any proper criticisms? The Baines and Stratton subplot is going nowhere and should have been cut in favour of something else. More Cryons. More Earthshock angst. More paint drying. Even though a massacre is good sometimes, killing off them and Griffiths off at the end just seems mean - they could have, t'know, escaped at that point! It would have been nice for the three of them to get out.

Right, got all that out of the way. As mentioned above, I did like the story. I've got several pages worth of comments: that says something. It's going to be a key point in my Huge Essay With Everything I've Ever Thought About The Doctor, which currently exists in fragments. I liked it too, it's just made me angry. Suddenly, I was watching a whole host of nasty deaths I did not want to see. By the time we hit the last ten minutes, I was already in "God no!" territory. It got to shutting my eyes point, which is something Doctor Who has never done. And as a comparison, neither has Tarantino.

Was Season 22 too violent? It's about expectation - Season 22 is more violent than we expect, but does it go too far? From an in-universe perspective, I can always find an excuse for the Doctor. He's definitely within his rights to start gunning down the Cybermen after Earthshock - he's not taking any chances. The Third Doc would have beaten up policemen too. After being threatened with a gun, it's OK to threaten back if only briefly. None of these are as questionable as Shockeye's death in The Two Doctors. But it's about tone. The question is, should this be shown? I'm not actually sure it should be. Nasty things happen in Doctor Who every week, they have to. The BBFC rank episodes more highly for "dwelling on the influction of injury". Now I'm sorry, but that's what this episode does. Evidence for the prosecution, item A) Flast. It's not what happens, nor exactly how it's done - people get killed in nasty ways all the time. But the camera really dwells on it. Item B) blood. Not something that happens in Doctor Who, except Deadly Assassin, Unearthly Child and Caves of Androzani, three episodes we can all agree are very intense. But it's the way it's used here. The scene has been compared to a similar one in Caves, but then you don't actually get to see the Doctor's arms ripped off. It's too much. Jesu, poor old Lytton...

Yes, maybe I've finally got ahang of those complaints leveled at this era - the violence, the nihilism, the trying to replicate Earthshock and defining the adjective "Saward-y". I understand them, if not wholly sympathising. Because I do enjoy the vicious episodes, even though my maternal instinct frets about the Classification System, and I do like the angsty ones too, even if they upset me. Right now this is simply the shock of sitting down to watch what I thought was a regular episode, and ending up with a bloodbath on my hands. It's about expectation.

Mark of the Rani

Viewing recommendation: all in one go works. I suspect you'd lose momentum one at a time, but it could work.

Newsflash: Malcassairo watches and reviews terminal turkey episode. Bookmakers now open for bets on whether she'll like it, like it a lot or promote it to new favourite episode.

Oh, but I spotted at once what was wrong with Mark of the Rani. The proportion of people who like the Master is small, the proportion who like him outside of Deadly Assassin smaller, and the proportion who think he's great in the 80s miniscule.

The thing is, the Master is integral to the way I understand and appreciate Doctor Who. I actually forgot to record Utopia - that's a mark of how lax a viewer I was in happy ole 2007 - as I had forgotten to record Human Nature and Shakespeare Code earlier in the series. My fellow "Team Traken" members informed me I really, really had to see it - and after that, I wouldn't have missed Sound of Drums for anything. Incidentally, it's also a lesson in how internet piracy can sometimes be beneficial to the companies, because my generous donations to the BBC's DVDs-and-merch range have been a direct result being able to find Utopia uploaded on the web.

And thus my first encounter with the Classic series was a direct combination of "who is this Master fella?", "what did he mean about the Axons?" and "look, there's a three-disk boxed set with the Master on the side". Keeper of Traken remains a very, very special episode to me. The same goes for Logopolis and Castrovalva. By which point, you'd already have a hard job convincing me Antony Ainley was not a worthy Master. And this was exacerbated by a quick trip through Kings Demon's and Time Flight, followed by a Master-centric tour of the late 60s.

The point is, Master-hate is rife, and maybe with some justification. But I won't hear a word of it, because I still think he's a brilliant character. This is partly down to the way he makes the Doctor tick, and that trademark mix of amusement and scorn. He's charming, educated, very funny - but he's the only one laughing.

So while I knew this episode starred the Master, I had no idea just how much of him there was in it. But more on that in a minute.


The first ten minutes are jawdropping. Real music, all with flutes and violins and stuff. Gorgeous photography. I briefly wondered whether we were watching the wrong show. This was apparently filmed on a genuine "living history" museum, and the BBC are obviously trying to justify the extravagance by shooting on as many real sets as possible. Thus much of it is on film, and all the regulars just look lovely as a result.

No, there's nothing to fault this episode in the visual department (ignoring Godzilla, but we'll come to that later), and the net result is that preposterous coat has never looked better. Nor is there anything to fault the plot - no, it's not simple, and there is no obvious linear structure to it (Daleks invade, Doctor must stop Daleks), and yet between the Rani attempting to keep her head down and the Master mad for vengeance it does make sense. Real life is messy and abortive - this is Androzani style chaos, made complex purely by the number of different things going on, not Ghost Light inpenetrability. In addition, ignoring a comment about hedgerows, it's not even remotely dated.

Really, the storyline (such as it is) is merely a vehicle for the wonderfully twisted Rani-Master-Doctor love triangle. You have to wonder what those three got up to at the Academy. The relationship is wonderful, all the sniping, griping and little shifts of power. Suddenly I see why the authors thought the Deca was a good idea. It's clear that the titular "mark" the Master refers to isn't so much a literal, physical complaint so much as an emotional one - have you ever seen the Master so keen to stay friends with anyone else? Neither he nor the Rani seem like the type to easily tolerate other people, but the pair of them are all over one another - and when the Doctor gets involved the trouble is just quadrupled. All that hate, love and obsession makes you wonder how Timelord society manages to focus with that many psychos about. It's also powerful evidence for the existance of Gallifreyan sex drive...

Yes, it's a screwball rom com with laser guns and organic-matter-converters, and the alliances, double-crossing and one-upmanship I adore so much in regular Master episodes are just increased by having another brain in the mix. It's also fun to have the Rani acnowledge the audience's opinions on the Master, by affectionately sending up both him and that daft feud. It's another 80s example of bringing back a classic villain, then undermining them with a new one - see the Daleks play second fiddle to Lytton (which almost works), and the Sontarans in Two Doctors (which doesn't, and makes you wonder why they were even included). And it works for the Master, because all of what the Rani says is secretly true. All these criticisms make you wonder why they thought putting him in was a good idea - especially considering he was dead - but I'm glad for it.

The Master is so, so sinister in this one, especially in the first episode. Naturally I'm laying my own feelings about Planet of Fire slap over the top - I do that in a lot of episodes, but he seems really quite bothered about what the Doctor did. There's something more than usual unhinged about the way he relates to the Doctor, to Peri to the world in general. At several moments in this, I genuinely thought they were in trouble.


He's been trying to kill the Doctor since, oooh, Terror of the Autons part 2? Yet I'm rarely convinced he means it. He always seems to expect the Doctor to get out of it. Take Logopolis-Castrovalva. The Doctor isn't meant to die on that radio tower, nor in Event 1, nor in the fake city. It's only an unfortunate slip on the Master's behalf that results in the regeneration - in my opinion, the Doctor was already very near to the end of his natural life. If he'd wanted him permenantly dead, he could have gone down during that regeneration and calmly assassinated all three companions doing whatever you do to kill Timelords properly. He's certainly smart enough. The very fact he creates Castrovalva suggests he's expecting the Doc to get out of Event 1. He has a whole regeneration crisis in which to get him out of the way. The fact he doesn't suggests he, subconsciously if not consciously, the Doctor is meant to survive these things.

The reasons are manifold. Ignoring the smutfic, there is possibly some Gallifreyan bond defining their mutual obsession, be it literal brotherhood or some sort of marriage-equivalent. I wonder what Lungbarrow fans have to say, whether there's a way the Master could fit into the info in that tome. The Master, one presumes, gets his kicks from merely having the power over him, and watching the escape attempts.



In any case, having the Doctor abandon him to fry seems to have really unbalanced him - even more than usual. See how jumpy he is on his first encounter with the Rani! You'll noticed the chuckle-count is down to a single instance at the start of the episode, which if nothing else should suggest he's feeling less smug than usual. The impression I'd always had was the incident had been forgotten, but it was hardly brushed off! The explaination, granted, is lacking - although I found the assertion that it was merely because he was "indestructable" strangely compelling. That dog really dislikes him: perhaps there is something genuinely sinister in however he got out. I really want to see Survival now, to see if there's actually a solid change in character direction post-Planet of Fire, or if I'm just imagining things.

Scarecrow must be one of the more wonderfully weird costumes he's ever worn, but the brown does look good on him. More than anything else, this highlights his versatility and opportunist nature. He plans to kill the Doctor. But then the Rani shows up, and he adapts to include her. Apparent motivation: it will be easier with two of them. Actual motivation: see sex drives, Gallifreyan (above). Or a combination of the two. And then he discovers there's a bunch of gathered geniuses, and he can't pass up such a glittering oppertunity. Overcomplicated? Certainly, but you can't fault his ambition. Another way i tend to regard his behavior is pure malevolence. He gets some coool gadgets in this too.

With the Rani the fun is just doubled - who plainly also sees something in him, or he'd have got dead a lot sooner. Their sparring is genuine, but there's affection somewhere also. Not that I see it working in the long run. The way they leave the servants is chilling. I also loved the much criticised OTT dialogue. "Fortuitous must be an apposite epithet" is the infamous one, but I love the unfathomable vocab as characterisation for both 6 and the Master. If you were a genius Timelord and veteran of 14 lives, it's to be expected that you'll have picked up a lot of words, and feel smug enough to use them in conversation. If the coal miners were also using words like "apposite" in their dialogue, then I might appreciate the problem. Plus, shouldn't Doctor Who be educational? There is a strict contrast with the local accents, which irritated me at first but I got used to them pretty quickly.

Of course, it was the Doctor's reaction to all this which I wanted, and it was suitably rewarding. He's great, but that's a pretty redundant comment to make about any Doctor, and completely redundant viz Colin Baker. I love the efficiency with which he rounds them both up with the TCE - the Master looks understandably worried. And he's quoting poetry again!

Peri does her best, though she can only be the most useless companion of all time. She is a bit overlooked here, and I don't believe she could just conjure up sleeping draught from Valerian either. Also, that yellow costume is appalling. Traditional Doctor Who wisdom would suggest this was merely because you couldn't ogle her cleavage like that...

What is it about Peri? Now obviously the Doctor is always going to happily plunge into danger for his companions, but he also tends to let them wander off too. Five frequently spends whole stories without wondering where they've gone. Yet Peri - maybe it's just because Six applies his sledgehammering efficiency to everything, but you get the opinion he'd nuke a small planet to keep her in one piece. This isn't just a Caves thing either. Several times in this, the Doctor gets into danger and his first reaction, when most of us would still be thinking "oh, I'm in danger!", is to worry about Peri.

And I adored the Rani's TARDIS, from the external design to that gorgeous Time Rotor.


Now. Most people try to criticise Mark of the Rani for logical reasons, ignoring the fact it's actually a kneejerk reaction to the amount of Master. There is not much logical ground to do so, and Doctor Who has produced far more glaring turkeys. They tend to pick on the tree thing, though I honestly didn't notice the quality of the effect. I was too busy going "coooooool, he's been turned into a tree!".

I'm amazed more people don't mention the real low point of the story. When the Doctor remarked that the Rani had a baby t-rex on her TARDIS, I said "oh surely not!" and we laughed because it was such a daft idea. I wouldn't have laughed quite so hard if I'd thought they were actually going to use it. But they did. It's like someone suddenly noticed they hadn't fufilled the crap rubber monster quota for the episode. I suppose it doesn't bother most people, who already regard it as a bad story, but for me this was a nosedive plummet into mediocrity. I hoped this was a phrase I would never live to see: worse than the Morlocks from Timelash.

Yet the length of this review should stand as a testiment to the sheer passion and enthusiasm I feel for this episode. And that stems from my love of the Master - much as your dislike of the episode might just stem from your dislike of him. Think about it.

Bad? Bad!?......BAD?!

Viewing recommendation: all in one go. Pause between episodes to think about it, and you might notice it's a pile of Morlock crap.

If you've heard anything about Timelash, chances are is that it wasn't very good. If you've ever heard about this blog, chances are I've earned myself a reputation for defending anything with a diamond logo, regardless of reputation. And predictably enough, I enjoyed Timelash quite a lot - it's not like it was bad. In fact, the worst thing you an criticise it for is a lack of effort.

We've _all_ seen factional intrigue on an alien planet before, and most of us will be familiar with the council of stern, boring elders with a token woman too. But wait, I hear you say! What about the inevitable group of plucky rebels, distrustful, disorganised, hiding out in caves. Yeh. That's a new one. And before you can say Androzani Minor, Peri is being drooled over by the inevitably deformed criminal mastermind. Nothing you haven't seen before or better.

What Timelash lacks is anything better than it's basic source. Take Mindwarp, which would be a terrible episode played straight, but is rendered memorable by the Valeyard's intervention. Planet of Fire has plenty going on besides the run-of-the-mill story, being a key episode for all four regulars. Arc of Infinity is much criticised, but Omega's involvement makes it an important landmark for canon nazis. Same goes for Keeper of Traken - as an origin story for the Master, it is much more important than the plot alone strictly deserves. Genesis of the Daleks too does this story, but again Davros makes it vital viewing (it must also be added that it does the factions'n'rebels plotline far better than anything else)

Timelash is just Timelash. It plays it straight, and with nothing to turn it into vital viewing.

It fails as a truly bad episode too. Lets take Time Flight - you can hardly say it failed through lack of ambition. Actually, Time Flight is spectacular and unforgettable - never mind the fact we're talking unforgettably, spectacularly bad, at least it's making noise. I'm surprised anyone even bothers criticising Timelash, which barely tries at all. It can't even muster the effort to be hilariously terrible, that's how mundane it is....

No. Its not working, I'm sorry. Here I am, compiling all the notes I made during the lacklustre part 1, as if to disguise the fact in a minute I'll move on to part two. And part of me does honestly wish it had remained that lousy, that for one glorious episode I might actually agree with fan consensus. I even tried insulting Time Flight to get me in the mood, but it didn't work...

So here we go again.

First thing which deserves a mention is the guest stars. I actually thought Herbert was a scream - his tourist attitude, innocent disregard for death and rapport with the Doctor. At times, this even got proper belly laughs out of me - compounding my crime, laughing at Timelash not for being bad, but actually for genuinely amusing me. Most obviously, this trip is meant to be the inspiration for HG's "The Time Machine". But there are more subtle nods too - the beastie creatures in the book are also called Morlocks, the Borad's experiments reminded me of my favourite HG novella "The Island of Doctor Moreau", and the Doctor takes advantage of becoming an "Invisible Man".

I also loved Tekker's tash-twirling malevolence (I haven't seen anything with the Master in for a while, so I'm experiencing withdrawal symptoms...) Realism has its place in Doctor Who, and there are many episodes in which he would have been completely out of place; but as this episode is, as already observed, somewhat subpar in the plotting department, he fits right in. He even gets a brief flash of character development, which would have been cute if the rest of his performance hadn't been so arch, and his subsequent death so unfairly daft.

But in particular, I adored Myrkos - his performance was way above what the material demanded, and he stuck out as a result. He was this story's Castellan in a way - the minor character who actually gets some sympathetic attention, instead of being there to die. Veena comes from the Nyssa school of spaced out noble's daughters - wooden in an "is this meant to be deliberate or is it just atrocious?" sort of a way.

I love the nods to the past. Logically, there must be loads of planets with a folk memory of a "Doctor" who has swooped in to save them (it reminded me of the characters from Terror of the Vervoids with whom he has a past acquaintance). And I can just imagine the Pertwee adventure we missed, after a catalogue of betrayed scientists elsewhere in the show, from the endless running about in caves to the two extra episodes of padding. Also, the Morlock would have been twice as dodgy (see below). I actually cant believe that no one has MA'd this. His costume suggests it would be placed somewhere near Frontier in Space...

But I am biased. Any story that reveals that not only does the Doctor still talk about Jo Grant, but at one point actually carried around a locket with her photo inside was bound to appeal to me...

Maybe episode 2 just came across better because the Doctor had more to do? Six is always watcheable - hell, they all are! Though we've established it's not a glittering example of our beloved show, or even the Sixth Doctor's era as a whole, I would suggest perhaps it's his greatest episode. Look at the lines:

"You microcephoelic apostate!"

"I would know..."
(and all that conversation, I did half wonder that the Doctor's fury was half roused by the Herbert's rejection of cricket...)

"Oh that's brilliant, I mean you've got a real scientific experiment going on there!"

and my favourite, when the Borad suggests he is laughing at him:

"I wouldn't dare, not when you have such big teeth..."


Actually, maybe it's just a Sixth Doctor thing for me, but he always makes me come out quoting. Much in the way if you ever find me with an author's corpse, it'll be something to do with Seven; or with a massive overdraft, blame Five; and squeeing like an idiot, can only be the fault of Doctor Three.

The best part of any episode, without fail, will be the Doc facing off against the villain. Everything else is just waiting. I know I keep banging on about the way the Doctor's personality shifts between regenerations, but there he is - that's the Sixth Doctor, right there! Transition between celery boy and the sneaky one happening on screen, before your eyes, with definite touches of both. God I love 6. I know this happens whatever Doctor I'm watching - it's worse, because I started Remembrance of the Daleks this morning, and waltzing in a honeymoon daze for 7 ever since - but right here, right now, right up until I pick up Interferance in the morning, or listen to Dead London on the Tube, or finish off Remembrance in the evening, 6 is absolutely positively my favourite Doctor, always has been and always will be. He doesn't want to do it, knows he won't enjoy it, but does it all the same. Incidentally, this is why 6 is my no. 1 pick for the Doctor I'd like to travel with: because he's still got a good moral framework, but it's flexible enough to allow his world-saving to become very efficient indeed. The fact he looks like he's ready to steamroller anyone who threatens Peri is also quite attractive...

As if to crystalise his differences from his predecessor, he ultimately gives the Borad the Kamelion treatment, and completely gets away with it. The gadget he rigs up is also a lot of fun - again, markedly different from the "lets walk in and see" that 5 would try. He wants to talk the Borad out of it, but he doesn't honestly believe it'll work, and he's got a backup plan. But it's not yet quite up to 7's standards of having an all-seeing gameplan from slightly before the start of the episode, and skipping the middle stage altogether. Great, great Sixth Doctor episode.

While I should be complaining about Peri's misogynistic reduction to 90 minutes of screaming, I'm actually more pleased my comments about Warmonger were justified - viz that there is no sensible, canonical way to turn Peri into a respected and efficient guerrilla leader between Planet of Fire and Caves of Androzani, because after this point she still has a lot of screaming to do. It is nice for her to regester an interest in alien plantlife, however...

And the Borad makeup is brillaint, modern even. Superior to Human Dalek Sec. One thing there is to say about an era in which almost everything else is criticised is the special effects - fantastic.

There are still criticisms to be made, of course - don't worry, gentle readers, I do still admit this one stinks. Number one is the complete lack of effort with Morlocks. Hell, when you're directing a puppet that dodgy, you do not put the actress on one side and the monster on the other, and hold camera for a few minutes. If you fix your gaze on the left hand side of the screen, it's a terrifying and viceral scene - Ms Bryant is doing her best, bless her, and with a bit of help from the director it could almost have been convincing. Allow your eyes to drift to the right, however, and it's hard to ignore the sheer piss poorness of that puppet. And I liked the Myrka.

And while the percieved quality of DW dialogue usually depends on who is delivering it, every now and then there is something truly mediocre - "choose your next words carefully Mr Baker, they may be your last."

People have called the Doctor's miraculous escape a cop out. To an extent they are right. However, in defence I would add a) the audience already knew he had survived, b) by pulling this trick the writer acnowledged that the audience already knew c) it meant he didn't have to come up with some extrodinary piece of deus ex machina - "oh I just cancelled the warp ellipse cutout and reversed the polarity of the neutron flow" - which would have been truly lame. At least this attempted to do lame ironically.

The 45 minute format does it no favours either - this still feels like e1 of a four parter, with the story having gone nowheere yet. I feel this could in time become a Claws of Axos experience - with the first 60 minutes habitually skipped in favour of watching the end again...and again...and again...

I'm interested by yet more references to the Timelords - there were a lot in Two Doctors too. Probably not meant as adorable set up for Trial at the time, they are still amusing in retrospect. He really strongly identifies himself as one - from dragging out his presidential authority to stop interplanetary war, to the highlight of the episode "I would know..." to Herbert. 5 seemed quite fond of the Timelords too, once they stopped double crossing and attempting to kill him. It's such a contrast with 3 and 4, say, who regarded everything connected with them an imposition - 3, natch; 4 the ranting in Morbius, and other places. Of course, he still cares enough to shoot straight back when the President is in danger - I suppose there's his sombre musing in Pyramids too - maybe it's Romana who helps him soften his opinion to his own kind? Or maybe the responsibility of being President does mean something to him on quite a deep level, even though he doesn't want to face up to it. Because 6 does seem dead keen -up to, y'know, the destruction of Earth to tidy up Timelord paperwork. And ultimately, I've always thought 7 thinks quite like a Timelord at times too, with his clarity for doing the numerically sensible thing. Of course, nowadays, number 10 has more or less printed off badges reading "Me Timelord!".

Incidentally, I have written a Doctor 10 + return of Gallifrey story. It's an end of series three parter, and takes its cues from Utopia, natch. First we get the angsting. Then we get the "yay, Timelords!" - 9 and 10 have always tended to see them through rose-tinted Geek-specs. And then, after four series of holding them up as guardians of truth and justice in the universe, they turn around and instantly quadruple cross him in the most convaluted and mean way possible. Sets up for an arc in next series too: a Doctor on the run plot, possibly with some vengeance at the end.

But I digress. Are those good things enough to save it? It does come back to the Time Flight comparison. I did criticise it above, but the words were kindly meant - I love that episode. It's terrible at times, but there's enough there in terms of imagination and character to genuinely love. It is so easy to be "meh" about Timelash, because it's so conventional, there's no ambition there to admire. It is overlit and lacks atmosphere, and campy acting combined with a dodgy script renders any threat very low indeed.

In a way, it reminds me of the statement I made while watching Trial - which was, these first three episodes would be pretty dodgy and dull without the Valeyard interrupting every 15 minutes (actually, it is my strong belief that most episodes would be improved in this way, but...)

Make up your own mind...but I'm off to watch the Doc face off the Borad again...