For one thing, the cliches get annoying to read - but as soon as you start trying to write your own, you realise why it's done so many times. Because it's irresistable. Because writers, as writers, want to deal with certain issues or take the characters certain places - and now I'm embroiled in writing my own DW adventure, I'm starting to find myself doing it too. A lot of the below stem from the desire to make up for something that couldn't be done in the show.
So here's the list of things which make me annoyed when other authors do it, just to keep an eye on my own work...
1 Endless continuity bashing. Yes, we know it's fun. No, there really is no excuse for it. It's a sad sad fact, Journey's End and Five Doctors, that even the most distinguishing fans will always overlook your flaws because it's sodamncool. It happens even more in books, because there are no damn actors who can rain on your parade by being a) a party pooper or b) dead.
Worst culprit: Warmonger, probably. All the Brain of Morbius stuff, with every decent race thrown in for good measure. Though I'm still questioning the logic of teaming a pre-Keeper Fourth Doctor with a post-Keeper Nyssa for Asylum. I mean, what?!
How am I doing: I'm setting the Doctor up against all four Masters at once. How do you think I'm doing?! I have failed from its very conception. Most of the serious creative process so far has been testing how far I can bend canon. It's the "so, you escaped from Xerephas" line in King's Demons which is preventing me from setting the story between it and Time Flight that's causing the rumpus. Maybe it's time to break out retcon cocktails at the end...*
*ed: this isn't actually such a crazy idea...
2 We're allowed to be dark! Lets be really REALLY dark! Occasionally, the show did stray into stickier quarters (Genesis of the Daleks does manage to be genuinely morally ambiguous, while Sharak Jek really shouldn't be able to get away with half of what he says on kid's TV). But there's a difference between an adult audience laying their own meaning onto half hints and subtlety, and actually catering to an adult audience with all the graphic detail that a book will allow.
Worst culprit: We're going to be talking sheer bloodymindedness in this instance, as opposed to various other brands of darkness, because it springs to mind and I have two contrasting examples. Deep Blue just goes way, way, way too far with the ketchup. Not because I'm squeamish, but because there is a moment that the Doctor has to dump his jumper and frock coat because they're covered in gore which is not only bizzare to imagine, is also so out of line with anything his show could have got away with that it jolts you out of the universe. If I wanted spraying, hissing and oozing, there are plenty of other places I could get it - here, it just feels wrong.
The one that gets it right: Interferance part 1 has 3 and Sarah stray into the tail end of an Eighth Doctor adventure, and both comment more than once that the level of violence is unusual. Very meta, but it works for me - because like the cricket whites, watching Three's TARDIS soaking with blood is so weird I can't square it with anything presented in his episodes. The fact the characters notice this make it part of the threatening atmosphere, instead of just being incongruous. Especially because, with the 8th Doctor only ever having existed in the books, he genuinely is at home with all this, the incessant bloodletting being part of his atmosphere the very way it isn't in any of his predecessors.
How am I doing: I'm doing fine, thanks -so far, there's nothing that couldn't be contained by the TV show. One scene involving a mini-mass-slaughter from one Master might have upset Mary Whitehouse, but he's quite tame as villains go. I suppose it's not what you do, it's how you do it - there's nothing I couldn't justify by a comparative example from the show - but I do have a slightly more intense style.
3 Let's make the Doctor scream
This, I think, almost without exception, happens in every Doctor Who book. Pisses me off every time. I nod and smile, and my stomach ties itself into little knots, and then a few pages later it's over and nothing has been gained. Because a) the Doctor is badass and won't break, and we already know this, b) he'll tell them anything if they threaten someone else in the room, and we also already know this, c) he regenerates in X of Y, so we already know he's going to be safe. We call this "hurt/comfort" in fanfic, and it's not something to be proud of. It adds little to the story (as the outcome is already certain), and isn't much fun to read either. Very rarely is there a point to it - actually, name me one and you can have an imaginary cookie.
Worst culprit: Genocide. The Doc spends most of this in extremis, maybe it's meant to be interesting - I don't know. It's only challenging if scenes like this are the exception, and with one in every book, it gets boring quickly. Interferance also locks 8 up for most of the running time, though it didn't annoy me as much as it strictly should have. Still don't know why...
How am I doing: I'm trying my best. Particlarly because it's 5, and I'm being as gentle with his reputation as possible (listen to Sirens of Time, and then work out who gets shot at, leg broken, beaten up and brain drained, many of the above several times over. Clue: it's not 6 or 7. Now thats an unfair allocation of pain.) It's really not something I want to do, because it's tonally wrong for anything involving the Master, and because I'll have to write and illustrate it. Although, there is this one idea I've had...
For the record, I think 5 would have offed Shockeye. 10 wouldn't have, but that's only because RTD wouldn't let him. And 3 would have knocked him out with Venusian aikido. *gets defensive*
And if you're widening out from screaming to "extremely painful angst", "angsty angst", "quiet angst" and "absolute acute terror", then I'm guilty on all four counts, Sagacity.
4 Companions! Naked!
Nuff said...even in a completely non-sexual way, someone's always got to point out that Peri's operation is happening WITH NO CLOTHES ON or Nyssa is having A BATH! (this is practically the first thing that happens in Asylum). Naturally, this was an area *ahem* never explored by the TV show - that's no excuse to do it now! We're all well aware that companions have always been the model of style from their own era, but there's something cheap about an author using his Godlike power to play at voyeur.
Worst culprit: Turlough in King of Terror. Unecessary much?! And I like Turlough...
How am I doing: No problem here whatsoever. As I've already pointed out, I want my episode to be a true "missing adventure" which could slot straight back into the 80s.
4b - Companions getting drunk
Just avoid this one entirely, unless your name is Benny. Tegan in Sands of Time is also excused. The rest of the time, this is just obvious and pants.
5 the sex
Lets preface this by me saying I think it's ridiculous for the books to stay as coy as the show. Sure, it had no place on Saturday night TV, but there's nothing wrong with exploring this angle in a kid-free medium. But that doesn't excuse the glee with which authors plunge straight in, like a 18th birthday pub crawl. Some things are better left subtle, sometimes. It's also nice to mirror the style of the show instead of creating something tonally alien compared to the original.
The one that gets it right: Cold Fusion manages to break that no. 1 taboo - Docsex - several times so beautifully that you barely care. It's subtle, mature and adds layers to the story.
How am I doing: Like the nudity, this really isn't one I have to worry about.
6 Dodgy characterisation
Having to pack 400 pages means you're actually plotting a story far longer and deeper than the TV ever allowed. And you're not in the middle of things, maybe writing something generic, maybe brushing off a script you actually wrote for a previous Doctor or different show entirely. You're writing for characters you have known, loved and had opinions on for five or ten years. You're not writing for an actor, but an agenda. It's not the lines that makes any one doctor brash, or vulnerable - it's mostly the way it's played (exception is the good ole dark masterplan, but that makes me bristle anyway). But in a book, you are writing to a stereotype - and if the reader's ideas are different to the author's, then chaos will ensue. You only have to look at the web to see the variety of opinions.
Worst culprit: Goth Opera. It made me very, very angry. People trotting out his wikipedia summary is bad enough without characters doing it as well (Ruath, I'm talking to you...) Although Warmonger deserves a special award. Who knew that some people in the world think that useless, screamy Peri had it in her to become a military genius?!
How am I doing: Hell, I've already stated that I'm deliberately avoiding what I percieve as "Fifth Doctor cliches". But this isn't "dodgy"; my characterisation is 100% correct! Isn't it?
6 "Now I wish I had my sonic screwdriver!"
This one purely applies to Doctors 5-7. Us knowing it's a cheap getoutclause is bad enough, without the Doctor acknowleding it too. Basically, it's the author saying, "This would be easier if I was writing for Four". No particular culprit, but it pops up every now and then and rankles every time.
Worst culprit: The new Torchwood audio play, Martha does it. "Oh well, a rock will have to do!" she says... I screamed.
7 Extreme situations
Inferno! Human Nature! Caves! Yes, we all know that Doctor Who is at its best when being dark; but sometimes, you just want The Shakespeare Code, OK? An author with a one off opportunity to write for his hero is go to want to make it the best he can, and that's gotta include angsting (see: make Doctor scream). It's one of those little secrets - they like writing it, actors like playing it (why else do you think PD's favourite season was 21?), and bless us, we like watching it - which none of us can strictly admit to. Very few books have been very fun at all. What's wrong with the odd spaceromp now and then?
Worst culprit: Genocide really tries it's hardest to put us through an emotional mill. The clue's in the title - vicious deaths, unpleasant consiquences, and all our regulars having to do terrible things. It does do it quite well, it must be said - it never feels cheap. But it stands out as a book that gets hard to read at times (see also: dodgy characterisation for Jo Grant and make the Doctor angst)
How am I doing: Now, this is hard. Because Doctor Who should be fun. And this is one of my most precious pet peeves - but y'see, they want to do it, and so do I. I've got AM from Planet of Fire. It's one of my favourite episodes (because the Doc goes through the mill, see above), and it's always irritated me that the Doc is never brought to account for his actions. Part of my justification for writing the comic is I want to come up with a plausible reason for his being rescued, and chronicaling the patch in which he is angry and vengeful about it, before turning up calm for Mark of the Rani. So while I want it to be as breezy as the show, among my fellow authors I want to rack up the emotional intensity as much as possible. Who wouldn't? And I feel I have the right as well, in light of the Planet of Fire stuff mentioned above. And why else use the Master, any Master, if you didn't want that particular raw chemistry, all that painful history - it's half the point. But I am trying to do it sensitively - I want my episode to feel like it could slot into the era, where emotional depth of any kind was usually down to the actors. No melodrama, no angsty confrontations, no crying - at least, not on the surface. It'll all be there, of course, but hopefully in the background.
And if the authoress gets a bit choked up during the drawing process, you're probably going a bit too intense. But it was quite late when I got to that point...
8 - postirony
Funny little jokes that the audience will get undermine the reality of the fictional world. Like Eight pointing out the "...of Rassilon" thing in Vampire Science, or Seven referring to his predecessors as "Boggle and Bland". Any time a Short Trip centers around an alternate world where the Doctor's adventures are known and enjoyed on contemporary Earth (the machine in Seven Deadly Sins, the Lust episode of Seven Deadly Sins, the 7th Doctor's part in Centerian). Sam quipping "He's back and it's about time" in Interference, or indeed, any of the many times that book makes the "1970s - or was it the 1980s?" quip. Any time the "never cruel or cowardly" thing is jotted out. It's not cute. It's not funny. It just jolts you out of the story for a bit.
The hardest thing is it's a question of personal taste, and a very fine line. All the above irritated me. But there are plenty of other examples that did amuse me (the only one that comes to mind is the Fifth Doctor talking to the Xeranti leader "like a vet would to an injured dog"...), and there's no obvious rule as to which I'll like and which will rankle. On this ground, it's best avoided entirely.
Worst culprit: Sirens of Time defining 5, 6 and 7 as "compassion", "impatient" and "thinker", even when nothing of their behavior within the story deserves it, especially from the POV of the character speaking (6 is the smart one who does all the investigating in both episodes 3 and 4; 7 gets into trouble through his merciful treatment of both Sancroft and Elenya; and 5 spends the entire thing driven by the desire to escape). Dying Days also deserves a mention for the sheer cheek of "Richard Dawkins and his wife" showing up.
The one that gets it right: Verdegris does a lot of this, and it really works for me - whether quips about poachers, or showing us crucial scenes as shown on screen. It's plot even revolves around fictional characters, a la Mind Robber. Though I could see how it'd be total marmite for others.
And I know this winds some people up, but don't you just love it in Time Flight when the two pilots are trying to lock the TARDIS door. "No, I don't imagine it'd be that one..."
How am I doing: this is easily avoided - I'm not smart enough to think of anythng anyway.
9 big concepts!
Basic episode of Doctor Who goes as follows: our heroes prevent an all powerful evil from doing something nefarious, via 90 minutes of kidnap, corridors and cliffhangers. There are very few which deviate - even my highly unusual Enlightenment, does conform to this at a very basic level. In a book, you can be way more creative - playing with big ideas, really delving into time, causality, paradoxes (oh yes, I'm coming onto them in a minute...), parallel timelines, universes in bottles, and whatever in the name of Rassilon was going on in The Taking of Planet Five.
Being smart about a show which was always essentially stupid is no bad thing. It only becomes a problem when the author is, or worse, thinks he is more intelligent than you are. It also mixes in with point 7: angst, where our writers want to write the definitive interpretation of Doctor Who. Sometimes, you just want a guy in a rubber mask trying to take over the universe. And the Doctor stopping him, preferably with something simple like a cricket ball. I can handle that. - I'm au fait with his solution for Sutekh too, which is intelligent without being to complex for me to understand.
What the books can do, which the episodes can't (or don't), is move into the realm of the intangible. Some TV examples are Enlightenment, and the exploration of a culture which lives off other minds, or the daffy explanation that the complete works of Agatha Christie downloaded into the titular Wasp. But the powers of third person description allow the authos to run riot with ideas, whether that's the revalation that a deadly plague is caused by nothing but fear (Deep Blue), a people who are entirely governed by television (Interferance), or villains screwing with the Doctor's timeline to make bad things happen, on a planet where everything is recorded, to entertain punters (Short Trips, Seven Deadly Sins, Sixth Doctor's bit. I'm still not sure whether or not this was actually meant as a canonical explanation for Season 21 being so dark...). Time loops. Time pockets. Pseudospatial bubbles. Pocket universes. Parallel timelines, in fact, any plot that has "time" as it's central concept, time or paradoxes (in a minute!)
These would all work on TV, but they'd be done in a terribly simplified way. Is this a bad thing? No, not necessarily. And maybe it's the complaint of one bimbo too daft to understand what they're talking about. But much like 7: extreme situations, there's one author too many trying to be smart - why not write books for the audience which still happily sits down to watch the not-very-challenging TV Doctor Who, eh?
I also tend to get very twitchy any time the words Faction Paradox, Celestis or Loom are used. It's a continuity thing. If my disquiet stems from confusion, then any of these are a sure sign I'm about to flounder on account of a book I haven't read yet. Particularly because the dropping of the 8th Doctor line and the new series makes all this stuff quite hard to care about, as TV canon is always going to be superior, and it renders many of the events unecessary - who cares about the destruction of book-Gallifrey, if we know it has to come back so that the TV doctor can blow it up again. Actually, it's like parallel timelines, with the audios and books being locked away in separate time bubbles, so they happen but not really etc etc...
Mind, I do appreciate the hints of a future war, because from a new series perspective I can pretend it's 9's Time War. It isn't, but until I remember it isn't I always get this shiver
Worst culprit: The Taking of Planet Five. What in the name of Rassilon was going on? I was very confused, and gave up before the end, but not before the inevitable make Doctor scream sequence *yawn*. The plot, which I won't deny must have been very smart, was made worse by the impenitrable prose, long pages of sticky purple stuff that was impossible to wade through, much less make sense of. I did try writing down some quotes which amused and confused me, but I lost the sheet of paper, so you'll have to make do with one cribbed from http://www.behindthesofa.org/:
"Inchoate, undifferentiated mass, the chronoplasm of the outer shell engulfed him, drinking him down with great drafts of its own substance, pulling him remorselessly into the interior dimensions"
You get the idea. This is Doctor Who, as written by the Valeyard..."I intend to adumbrate two typical instances from separate epistopic interfaces of the spectrum." = "I'm going to use MS powerpoint"
The one that gets it right: Sands of Time, to begin with, mucks around with the timelines in a crazy way, and yet Justin Richard's very precice prose style means it never gets confusing.
Looking at this list, I've just established that maybe Interferance is the greatest Doctor Who novel of all time. It wins points for doing almost everything on this list of pet peeves, yet it remains readable. The Remote certainly win the Faction Paradox award for temporal weirdness (ed: that's because they, er, are the Faction. Sort of. But not really...) As already noted, the Doctor does spend a lot of the time in unreasonable pain, and I'm positive Sarah Jane gets nekkid at some point, albeit briefly. Is there a bathing scene? Obviously there's angst. There's always angst. And darkness, with a plot revolving around the illegal arms trade.
The continuity is actually kept to a minimum, suprisingly enough - but literally, it only avoids this and the sonic screwdriver thing (there's not enought Doctor for him to be out of character...). Why am I enjoying it?!
At least I've established that my DW adventure is on the right track, and not brekaing too many of my own rules.
1 comment:
and these doctors make me sick.
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